The Blow - Job

When it comes to giving blowjob, most women seem to fall into two camps: LOVE IT or HATE IT. When gossiping about sex, I feel this overwhelming pressure to declare that I go hog wild for head or loathe it so much that I have taken it off the sexual menu with the exception of special occasions, like birthdays. On the subject of blowjobs, there is a subtle urging to take sides. “Too much work!”  or “Yummy! Cock!”.

Blowjob is not something you should love or hate. There are so many factors which influence a blowjob, like who, when, how many times you have sucked it, where, what time of day, and whether or not you’re receiving oral sex at the same time or that make any kind of generalized statement about the act impossible. In the Buddhist sense, it’s neither good nor bad. A blowjob just is.

Over the years, I’ve enjoyed giving some blow jobs more than others.. All of this is irrelevant though because the thing I’ve realized about giving blowjob is that it’s not really about my pleasure. Unless you’re a woman who truly gets off on the feeling of a dick in her mouth, your feelings about blowjobs will depend mostly on your feelings about your partner. That doesn’t mean that you should ever suck dick if it makes you uncomfortable or if you haven’t consented to it. Of course not. But presuming you are game to please, you have to remember that you’re not giving head for your own pleasure.

So, maybe you don’t love having a penis in your mouth for more than 15 minutes, but you do love the look of happiness on your man’s face, the feeling you get from making him feel SO good. Maybe you want to repay him for the amazing fuck he gave you last night. Maybe you want to show him how sexy you think he is or how much you love him. Maybe having his most sensitive organ between your teeth makes you feel powerful. Depending on your mood and your feelings toward the person you’re blowing on any particular day, any of these things might be true.

The same holds true when your partner’s mouth is between your legs. That moment isn’t about how much they love (or hate) performing cunnulingus, it’s about how good it feels for you. We’re all adults here, so if and when his tongue or your jaw becomes too sore to soldier on — it’s also OK to be done, orgasm or not. This is the part I think women miss. We put too much pressure on ourselves to give a perfect, enthusiastic, energetic blowjob every time, which I think is the major reason some women say that they hate blowjobs. They’re just not giving themselves permission to be done, and move onto other sexual activities. There are so many to choose from!

Stop worrying about your own pleasure or performance for a minute or the next 20 sex scenes.